Nathan's been having nightmares for weeks. When he’s not busy his mind is consumed with “what if’s”. Ezra’s seizures have increased to nearly every day now. He is worried about what his scar is going to look like. This week Ezra came home with a stack of paper’s with 100%’s on them. Our son is getting 100%’s in school and he is using the wrong side of his brain to do the work. He is brilliant. I wonder what Ezra is going to be like after surgery? His surgeon said she is hoping he ‘skyrockets’. She said this surgery is his “chance at a cure”. 90% chance in fact. Maddix is spectacular. She appreciates order and cleanliness. Every time Ezra has a seizure, he pukes. Over the last year Maddix, my germophobe, has taken it upon herself to clean up her brother’s puke. Is this what Paul meant when he said that suffering perfects our character? On a day when Ezra had 5 seizures in a row, Sophie asked us, “If God can heal Ezra, why won’t He?” She asks the most gut wrenching questions. Ruby adores Ezra. She loves that he has brown skin like her, that he accompanies her on the trampoline and that she can boss him around. At home, they are inseparable.
Tomorrow God will use Dr. Smith’s skilled hands to heal our son’s brain. For months and months, He’s been reconstructing my own. In the past, I have used food and entertainment to numb my feelings. Emotions ruled my behavior. Tomorrow my son is having brain surgery and my faith is rock solid. I have a peace that is supernatural, otherworldly. This season of pain is my spiritual growth spurt. Is God using suffering to reconstruct me? To reconstruct my family? Has the miracle already begun? My strong husband, showing us his weakness. Maddix, on her hands and knees scrubbing soiled carpet. Sophie wrestling with God, not having answers but still believing in God anyway. Ezra, who started off life neglected, now seeing scores of people rushing to his aid. Ruby, watching this all play out, shaping her into a fierce godly woman. Have the miracles already begun? Is pain bringing holiness in all of us?
Thank you for praying for Ezra’s surgery tomorrow, August 24th at 9am. His surgery will last for 4-9 hours. He will be in intensive care for 24 hours and will be in the hospital for 2-4 days. Please pray for us all. May the miracles continue.